Sentiments of Moonlight Butterfly

it's getting more and more difficult each time..it's as if i missed something, and now i'm losing everything..i can no longer function well....my time management sucks...myself sucks..

these past few days i've been eating a lot..been sleeping a lot...i was asking myself..am i stressed? darn...hold on anne...few to go and you're through... not now... not just now... so succumbed with anhedonia...i can no longer pull myself through..i can't think right..start with my day right...start with my work right..

Earlier this day, as usual, i woke up early, got on the bus early hoping to catch up on time with my 8am duty at our school clinic. I was constantly thinking then, what if i get involved in a crash? i would at least have a break. what more fascinating could it get than having to stay all day without ever thinking of anything or doing anything at all.. unfortunately enough, it came true. The bus that i am currently riding to school hit another car by accident..bad thing it belongs to the cops..but our driver is on the right lane! so there we had to pull over..as they talk things through..but i don't know..as people get down from the bus one by one, i was literally stuck on my seat and i was there..30 minutes still before my class, and i didn't even bother to get up. i just let things flow..and i went with the flow..blunted affect...anhedonic...1 hour has lapsed still...and another 30 minutes more...funny how the other teenagers on the bus that remained just took pictures instead. Another 30 minutes, the talk was over, the whole thing was resolved at the police station, and our bus was back on the road. After i reached my destination, i got down the bus, bought some food, and hurried off to another bus that would take me home. I no longer wanted to go to school.. what's the point? I was more than 1 hour late and it's considered absent even...really, what's the use? I admit, i wanted everything that happened. I wanted to let time lapse..i wanted not being able to attend my duty for the day, which is by the way equivalent to 2 more days of make up duties. I don't know... it's just that...i'm not myself lately...and i hate the way it is.. but i just can't do anything about it..

i'm just..tired of everything.... i would appreciate putting a halt to it all....... and i was asking myself, would it be better if i no longer wake up from sleep one day? i guess everything would be better......