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  • Deep Reverie

    Never stop challenging yourself everyday. Life is not meant to be trudged along a straight path. It is an intricate system of crossroads, of which at each stop you are tasked to make a decision. Everyday is an opportunity to live the life as we want it. You wake up in the morning you choose whether to get up as soon as you open your eyes or not. You get up and you decide whether to fix the bed first or head straight for breakfast. Seated at the dining table you decide whether it's gonna be cereals or sandwich. And, oops, you run out of cereals and you're already running late for work so you just took a quick sip of coffee and headed for the shower. A few minutes later you get dressed, get groomed and all set for work. And the story of your life goes on. Tomorrow is another day.

    Funny if you would look at the big picture and try to imagine each and everyone of us having to go through the same ordeal every single day - we just don't really notice it because it has been a routine for some time. And we, human beings, are hard-wired for automatic responses. It's amazing how life works. But if I'm gonna dig deeper into these thoughts, what I have observed is that, every single people on the planet is driven by a force. It is a thing that manifests in us as a "goal." Without a goal we lose the drive to do anything. People are destined to have something to look forward to in the end. It can be a reward. It can be a punishment. It can be a positive or a negative reinforcement. Either way it's comforting knowing something has a definite time frame for when it's gonna end whether in a good or bad way. This thing - the religious people would often term "god" or some other deity names still depending on who's preaching what is morally right or wrong. The scientists would call it an "idea" which brings forth subsequent discoveries. The romanticists would refer to it as "love" which gives a person a reason to justify his actions. Nonetheless, it all pushes us into having a goal.

    "Living on purpose is the only way to really live. Everything else is just existing." - Rev. Rick Warren, The Purpose Driven Life

    A goal sets us apart from machines. A goal sets us apart from animals driven by their instinctive need for survival. A goal somehow gives us direction, a sense into the world we're living - into the life where we're fated to take part of. And sometimes, you just need that something to hold on to.

  • Sensitivity



    ..”the hardest part is loving someone and having the courage to let that someone love you back..”

    This is by far the most touching quote that I’ve heard, and I could most relate to at the moment. It was stated by Nick Mercer, the leading man in the movie “The Wedding Date.” Indeed, sometimes we wish that everything could be easier than they seem. I love you..you love me..and we live happily ever after. End of story. But life, as complicated as always, is never like that. Love begets hurt. Hurt begets lie. Trust falls apart. And for some reason, it’s only us that create our own miseries. We complicate things that are but simple and ordinary. And at the end of it all, we bid the day goodbye with a load shit of regrets. Past is part of who we are, but sometimes I wish I could just erase it all up..that it won’t affect me in any way, ever again. But I’m wrong. It’s always a reminder of what used to be. 


  • LDR

    I was never a believer of long distance relationships (LDR) until I met someone who swept me off my feet and it's the only chance we got.
    My long distance relationship taught me a lot about life...about myself and most importantly...about what it is to really love.
    I can say that this love is unlike any other kind I had before. I've been in love so many times before and it always strikes me how different an experience it is each time. It's true as they say, one never falls in love the same way twice. I once loved a man who valued sanctity too much that it had caused me to go astray. I once loved a man who never exerted any efforts and just watched life take its course. I once loved a man who was constantly in doubt and whom his heart never wanted to be caged. I once loved a man I couldn't trust. I once loved a man who couldn't take me for what I am and the kind of life that I have...and such was the most heartbreaking of all.

    Now I find myself drowning once again in the ambiguity of such abstract concept. After one relationship to another I thought I'm no longer capable of trusting and believing in love again. I wanted to believe I'm numb now from the constant pains. I have convinced myself I'm gonna give my heart a break and let me find myself. I had built walls around me through the years that I myself would also demolish time and time again instead of waiting for the brave knight who's gonna climb himself all the way to the top. Because time is ticking and I have always feared being sad and alone, and growing old all by myself. So being in a relationship now, most of my friends were asking, why too soon? It wasn't so long ago since my last breakup. Are you settling? they ask. And so now I begin to ask myself the same question - am I? I have thought it through over and over again until I saw how I have changed.

    I'm no longer that shallow, silly girl who would put up a fight just because her date is 20 minutes late. LDR has taught me to be patient, even more, to wait indefinitely. I'm no longer that girl who has her world revolve around one person. LDR has made me notice all the things I have overlooked in the past, all the things I took for granted, all the people I have hurt because I had been selfish. It has taught me that while I grow in love with one person, I can still grow individually and not lose myself in the process. LDR has made me more mature and responsible in taking on life decisions - that as he makes the most out of his life from afar I can go on still with my plans and do the things I set out to. I'm no longer that envious little brat who gets green-eyed at every girl that makes passes at my man. LDR has taught me that love does not give us the right to own someone. Love is not about owning. More importantly, love doesn't set standards. Love is not setting limitations for what is right and what is wrong rather it gives us the ability to look past the flaws, to forgive constantly and to free oneself and just be happy. Love has blindspots, they say. But I think that love is rather innocent and pure until we succumb to peer pressure, to societal standards, to the old age convention.

    A friend once told me, "you seem to care less though.. and if you think or act that way, you must not really love him." I don't know actually. Love is such a strong word. It's not something you confine in those three words or tangible gifts; or physical presence and intimacy; or even logic and reasons. But I also don't know how else to describe how I feel now and maybe, love is the closest I could come up with.
    People from time to time have always thought of ways on how to define love but the thing is, love is neither a concept nor a feeling. I think love is more of a state. You just know when it has struck you and once it does, it's your choice whether to acknowledge it or not.

    Loving someone from afar has made me more rational and understanding. It has taught me to be patient and forgiving. LDR has taught me how to love unconditionally - that loving is not about expecting to be loved in return but having the courage to face and go through life's uncertainties. That there is never an assurance that both of you would end up together.

    LDR has taught me that distance should not imprison you both in a world you created just so not to lose touch of each other instead you should live each day to the fullest and enjoy the company of friends. Because at the end of the day, you know he's out there waiting and more than willing to listen to all your silly stories.
    What matters more is the here and now. Today he may love you, tomorrow he may not. Why waste a lot of time worrying and living a complicated life when you can just treasure each moment that you had together, the memories you have of each other, and the mystery of whether you will see each other again.

    LDR has taught me that there's no permanent thing in this world but change. They say LDRs almost always never work out and you always end up with a broken heart.
    You long to have that companion during cold rainy evenings. You fain that comforting hug after a bad day. You search for that smile that greets you in the morning. You want to feel that kiss and hope it will last... You long to be with someone who could make you feel life as real as it gets. But LDR makes you remember his soft lips when he kisses and not the argument you had the night before. LDR reminds you of spontaneity and laughters when you were last together and not the awkward silence of too much familiarity after years of being together in one place. LDR makes you realize that somewhere on the other side of the world, another soul is thinking about you too, and life is not always as you know it. LDR makes you think multiple times before acting out. The space allows you to breathe for a while and think things through in a heated argument. The distance makes you think more about the other person and not just yourself. Thus giving you less room for hurts and mistakes.
    LDR helps you believe again and have faith. LDR keeps you wanting and longing for the other so that when you finally set eyes again, it is only as magical as the first time you met.

    Long distance relationship helps me to stay positive since it's the only choice I have. And above all this, long distance relationship, when with the right person, has taught me that love is not about finding someone to complete you. It's not about imposing changes but acceptance. It's not about making but keeping promises. It's not about having a perfect relationship but being at peace because you know that no relationship is ideal. What's important is that when you give love, you become a better version of yourself.