Sentiments of Moonlight Butterfly

Shux, habang tumatagal nararamdaman kong tumatanda na nga ako… waahhhh, twenty na ako! Pag may nakikipagkilala saken na guy at sasabihing 21 or 22 sila…naiisip ko, “yoko mas matanda saken,” feeling ko naman 18 lang ako! Wahaha!! Anyway, ifufulfill ko parin ang balak naming ni ellie…to grow old gracefully and beautifully hahah! Cheers! Ever since talaga idol ko si cory quirino., who would have guessed what her exact age is? Miski aq hindi ko mahulaan, hihihi..;p

Nweiz, gaya nga ng title ng post na ito…cge “looking back”…. (grabe lakas ng loob ko nu, ngaun pako nagganito kung kelan tambak ang papers ko…wahahaha obsessive-compulsive talaga ako. Hindi ako makapagmove on o makapag-isip hangga’t hindi ko nafufulfill ang compulsion ko…at ngaun nga, ang maipost sa blog ko ang mga pangyayari nung…err…bata pa ako? Yuck! Hahahah!)

Elem days…

Bata pa lang ako achiever nako…pero di dahil gusto ko…napilitan lang, hahaha hanggang sa magtuloy-tuloy na… kung pwede lang ibenta ang mga medals at certificates…yabang! Heheh, pero totoo…aanhin ko ba yung mga un ngaun? Naaalala ko first contest yata na napanaluhan ko yung 2nd placer ako sa division level ng poster-making contest, nung grade3 heheh.. sayang din kasi sinabi mismo ng mga judges na ako dapat ang first, mas magaling daw kasi ako magdefend as compared dun sa nagfirst, kulang lang yung ginawa ko. Ang theme kc nun “Noon at Ngayon” eh malay ko bang kelangan ding lagyan ng “Bukas” or future yun. Hahaha! Sayang umabot sana ng regional level! Hahah,, asa!

Nung elem ko nakilala ang first bestfriend ko. Though hindi ko nga masyado naenjoy at nafeel ang pagkakaron ng bestfriend dahil magkakumpetensya rin kami sa first honor ever since. Super tight kami nun grade 1 pa lang na miski mga naging puppy loves naming eh bestfriends din. Hahah! Weird pero…sa maniwala kayo o sa hindi, yun ang first bf ko. Hahaha! Syempre hindi seryoso. Ano bang alam ko sa love nun. Parang mga bata na..”uy crush ko sya..” eh nagkataong crush namin ang isa’t-isa..eh di yun! Hahah! Wag ka nagsusulatan pa kami nun kahit nung nagtransfer nako ng ibang school nung grade2. Natigil lang yun nung nagbigay siya saken ng letter one time na may kasamang singsing…nakita ng mama ko. Lagot! Ngayon nga nakakasabay ko sya paminsan-minsan sa bus…walang pansinan. Hiya ako eh.=p ewan ko if naaalala niya pako. =)

Hehehe..at kasabay nga ng pagtransfer ko ay nagtransfer din ang bestfriend ko sa parehong school. Ang reason namin…takot sa terror na teacher. Haha! Pero empre nalungkot ako nung nagtransfer uli sya ng school nung grade3 at yun tuluyan na talaga kaming naghiwalay…

Nakakainis lang yung mga classmates kong lalaki nun kc lagi nila akong pinagtritripan, lagi nila akong pinapaiyak…pero wag ka, ako parin binibigyan nila parati ng flowers kapag valentines, kahit mga gumamela at santan lang yun. Hahaha! Hmpf, tapos nililigawan nila ko nun?? Hmpf.hmpf. Yung isa pa naaalala ko, napakapersistent,, mula kinder ata hanggang grade 6 crush niya ko na mismong nanay niya kinakausap ang mama ko tungkol samen. Hahahah!! Naalala ko pa nung 1 time, dalawang classmate kong guy ang sumunod saken pauwi para malaman kung san ako nakatira, nalaman ni papa, ayun todo sermon sila sa school kinabukasan. Hahaha! Mahigpit talaga si papa ever since.

Tuwing United Nations…hmpf, lagi akong nagtatago nun kaso wala eh, no choice, ako parin lagi nilang ninonominate na muse kaya ang nangyayari,,,ako lagi sa Mr. and Ms. UN… bad trip talaga. Pero once lang ako nanalo ng Miss UN, naalala ko New York ata ako nun., yung mga sumunod runner-ups na lang. Kaw ba namang hindi pagsawaan ng tao, taon-taon na lang? hahaha!

Bibo talaga ako nung elem eh..lahat ng contests sinasalihan ko. Declamation, oration, quiz bees, journalism,… ako ang class president parati, ako parin ang president ng SBO namin nun at editor in chief ng “D Builders” ung school organ namin, scout leader ng GSP… puro responsibilities kaya hindi ko talaga masyado naenjoy kabataan ko nun. (yuck feeling ang tanda na). Tapos tuwing may performance sa school, andali-dali nila kong mahatak para tumula, kumanta o sumayaw. Hahaha, naaalala ko may dance group pa kami nun. (-_-)

Ayun, nakagraduate naman…millennium batch pa..at valedictorian. Maraming naiinis ata saken nun kc karamihan ng teachers namin favorite ako. Pero okay lang, hindi ko na lang sila pinapansin. Pero wag ka, kami-kami rin magkakalaro palagi sa piko, Chinese garter at kung anu-ano pa. Hahahah!!

Nakakamiss…… pero ayoko ng balikan yung mga bad memories..yung mga bullying days…

Haay…skul…

Ewan ko ba kung bakit, kung gaano ako kabibo nung elem eh ganun ako ka-shy type at “maria clara” DAW nung hayskul. Enjoy ako nung high school, super. Mga tropa ko nga nun, tropa ko parin hanggang ngaun… syempre..first love (na hindi niya nalaman hahah) Bry! Peace! Heheheh. High school ko tinuloy ang lyre ko..nung elem kc majorette ako. Mas gugustuhin ko namang tumugtog kesa kumembot-kembot ng may maiksing palda nu!! Dito ko rin pinagpatuloy ang badminton…though hindi nako sumasali masyado ng contests unlike before. Grabe nagregress talaga social skills ko! Hahahah!! Kahit madalas ako tinutukso ni tonix na crush ng bayan daw ako nung hayskul…dko tlg na-feel yun as in. Hindi kc ako socialite eh. Nung tinanong nga ko ng CS ko sa Ward 5 na… “tga-CNHS din ako. Kami ang first batch ng Limestone dun. Kilala mko?” naisip ko….shux, madi-DM ba ko dahil dko sya nakilala nun? Wahahah!! I admit, wla tlg ko masyado nakilala nung hs, unlike nung elem na lahat ng estudyante kilala ako at ate ang tawag saken. Hehehe. Tska nung hs, ilan lang naman yung “nalaman” kong nanligaw saken ah… yung iba magugulat na lang ako sasabihing nanligaw pla sila saken?? Weird!

Basta, basta…maraming isyus nung hs pero malaking bulk tlg ng memory ko nun ay naconcentrate sa moments namin ng first love ko na first dance ko din nung JS Prom. Hahaha! Dko makakalimutan yun.

College days…

Tabula rasa. Wala eh. Haha. Nakapagpost na yata ko nung tungkol sa college dito before.. ayun!

Natatandaan ko lang, nung nag-18 ako di nako nagdebut. yuck! hahaha.. yun yung mga panaho na namulat nako sa gender sensitivity na babae ka lang kapag nakadress ka! hahaha =p

Eto na lang.. totoo nga ang saying: “kung gaano kahirap makapasok sa UP, ganun din kahirap makaalis” whahaha!!!

**Ciao! Gawa muna papers… >_<

Introduction

Captain Jose Joven of the army of the Republic, and Aguinaldo’s English interpreter noted on April 30, 1901:

“in truth he (Aguinaldo) recognized the gifts of the deceased General, but he preferred to kill him because he says there was no other remedy in view of the civil war which the said General was preparing.”

It really annoys me when some people could be so unfair because of political agendas. Last March 22 was Don Emilio Aguinaldo day, but after having read about the tragic death of Gen. Antonio Luna and the connection therein of the former, it is now questionable to consider Aguinaldo’s part in the Philippine history. Well, he had his part, though; dreary and ghastly I should say. Gen. Antonio Luna was the real hero. His occasional and uncanny display of bad temper may had always been his weakness of character, but he remained the icon of bravery, of a selfless patriot and revolutionary democrat at a time when the Revolution has no known limits. He was indeed a figure who could had made a change if only given the chance to, but defeated by a merciless conspiracy leaving that part of the Philippine history still, nothing but a dismal.

Antonio Luna – more than just a fierytempered man
-
It has been mentioned that it is distinctive among the Luna clan the characteristic “brutal temper” and the “lack of pakikisama”. Moreover, if he had only learned how to control the aforementioned qualities, he may had been a stronger and a better man. There were moments that he was able to contain the extreme of his emotions, there were just some incidents of unbelievable twist of circumstances and lack of fair judgments that sometimes drives him out of the nutshell. In cases such this he was given the nicknames of “Cafre” or “General Article One”.
As I read his biography, I can’t help but feel pretty much amazed and surprised to have learned that the general and hero of the revolution is more than just a mere general after all. He possessed a variety of talents, quite impressive I would say. Though he may not seem as great as Rizal at that time, his achievements were exemplary. He graduated with a degree in Bachelor of Arts in Ateneo at the age of 15, and at 19 studied pharmacy at the University of Santo Tomas but finished it in Barcelona, Spain. He got his Doctor of Medicine at Central University of Madrid before he later on studied in France and Belgium. He was also a good guitarist, having known of the Lunas as inclined to arts and music. Aside from the knowledge of Spanish and Tagalog, he was also studying English at that time. He was also an exceptional writer, writing in La Solidaridad under the pen name of “Taga-Ilog” and managing the paper, La Independencia as well. He was the editor of La Independencia of which the first issue was released on September 3, 1898. General Antonio Luna was also a chemist in the Municipal Laboratory of Manila. He won an award for a scientific paper on malaria and had training on pasteurization of water and carabao milk from Pasteur Institute in Paris. It had been stated that if Antonio Luna didn’t join the revolution and continued his practice in chemistry, he could have saved Apolinario Mabini from dying of cholera after drinking an infected “gatas damulag” or carabao’s milk. Of which by the way is the real cause of Mabini’s death and not by affliction of some sort of paralysis as we know today. Filipinos at that time had by no means any knowledge of pasteurization, or even boiling water before drinking it.
He was deported to Spain with his brother Juan (the painter) and was imprisoned in Carcel Modelo de Madrid in 1897, and then he pursued to study military tactics after his release. He became a master mason in Spain and was among those who revived the Lodge Solidaridad 53. He also worked in the Propaganda Movement along with contemporaries such as Rizal, del Pilar, Lopez Jaena and Mariano Ponce. And while he’s in Ghent, Belgium, he was under the tutorship of General Leman, the hero of Belgium, improving his knowledge of guerilla warfare. Of which he later on proposed under the government of Aguinaldo to be used against the enemies.

The mystery behind the moustache

I don’t know why Ambeth Ocampo is making such fuzz on Antonio Luna’s moustache. You could fairly see this on his articles. Well, maybe there really is something extraordinary about Luna’s moustache, is there? Except for the exquisite curl of the hairs over his upper lip, which he also shares with his brother Juan Luna, it is indeed quite peculiar to find someone who conveys such “elegance” in such a period in history when everything is almost in despair. Or it may have as well served as his form of distinction all these years. Jose Rizal has the characteristic one-sided hairdo, Andres Bonifacio with the kamisatsino (well, it may have been his only choice for clothes to wear considering his status quo), and Apolinario Mabini on his hammock (he’s a paralytic that’s why). I remember how I always chuckle mischievously asking some people I know with, “do you know who Antonio Luna is?” and they would give out either of two replies. First was with, “oh, the painter?” and I’ll just correct them saying he’s not the one but it’s his brother who paints. The second with, “hmm, Antonio Luna…the guy with the moustache?” and followed by a demonstration of their hands, fingers arching over their lip to describe, indeed, Antonio Luna’s curly moustache. As much as Ambeth Ocampo’s curiosity on how Luna was able to keep his moustache that way so as my inquisitive mind can’t help but wonder what there really is in his unique moustache. Or is there really something to make fuzz about? I have yet to find out.

A revolutionary democrat – exactly what our country needs

What separates Antonio Luna from the others is – his single obsession for independence and liberty from any invaders, Americans per se. This had been his sole “mission” all along. For what more could an Antonio Luna aspire? He came from a mestizo family of Badoc, Ilocos Norte though he was a Manileño by heart, having been born on October 29, 1868 in Binondo, Manila. He was the youngest of the seven children of Joaquin Luna de San Pedro and Laurena Novicio.
“Some” have been questioning Antonio Luna’s being a hero. They say, he hadn’t done anything quite remarkable except that he had been affiliated with Rizal. As a matter of fact, he was the one Rizal had chosen to mediate between the rich and educated class and the masses. Rizal wanted Luna to join the Katipunan but Luna refused perceiving as what Rizal had first thought of as a revolution would be untimely at the moment. However, this had been the major error he had committed. If he didn’t denounce the Katipunan, its members wouldn’t disagree on him. If he had not squealed, some members of the Katipunan and Rizal even wouldn’t have been killed. On the other hand, his comrade Alejandrino explained that:

“…with the physical and moral tortures he suffered during his imprisonment and on the assurance given him by the Spaniards that he had been squealed on by his friends, who had denounced him as an accomplice in the rebellion, his violent character had made his lose better judgment. And having fallen for the scheme woven by the Spaniards, he had declared that those who denounced him were, more guilty than he.”

The irony of revolution…a strong voice unheard

What so devastating with reading historical documents is that, you see both sides of the story (that is, if the sources are unbiased). Devastating in a way that, you get to picture out the exact scene in your mind, realize what went wrong and just sigh in disappointment uttering a bunch of “if only”. Sometimes it really gets in the nerves that you just can’t help but get frustrated even how our history had been soaked up with a number of “interventions”. You get to recognize the “tricks” and misinformation fed in opposing parties and you’ll find out that it was nobody’s fault that both sides clashed into war against each other instead of dealing with the real enemies of the state. But then only realizing that “gone is gone”. Oh, how much of our historical past have been concealing still behind the closets of our heritage waiting to be revived and be known.
If Aguinaldo’s side didn’t listen to these “sugar-coating” and propaganda tactics of the Americans, and if they only chose to understand more of the side of Luna, we could had long won the war against the Americans without resulting to so much casualties with the ingenious abilities of the latter. The problem is that, there had been so many conspiracies brought about by individual thirst for power. Nobody fully believed in the capabilities of Antonio Luna. Or they could have known and feared his potentials. It was the lack of trust and the cultivation of individual self-interests at that time that proved even more detrimental.
Another thing is that, everyone favored the revolution, but not the science of revolution Luna had been trying to impose. To them, it’s just like, “tara! Sugurin ang kalaban!” they never realized that to really win a battle, they should be well armed and prepared. This what had been the philosophy of Luna that nobody ever paid real attention to. As seen in the following selection, when Luna proposed to Aguinaldo a plan in preparation for the outbreak of war:

“But Luna and Alejandro were not heeded; no trenches were built; the Americans fired, the Republic was caught by surprise. Then Luna was hastily made chief of operations and set to building those trenches of his. But it was too late, too late even to improvise. Caloocan fell in a week.”

Alejandrino also said:

“If instead of 40 or 50 of such volunteers there had been 2, 000 or 3,000, as Luna wanted, the course of events would have changed.”

If he hadn’t been constantly and intentionally being ignored by the Kawit clan in their preservation of their so-called “cavitism” that they tend not to recognize any rule or order other than that of Aguinaldo, the Philippines could had long attained its independence.

On Luna’s Death

I must note Nick Joaquin’s account on Antonio Luna’s death on June 5, 1899 in Cabanatuan was rather “touchy” as he left with so many questions that even I ended up asking them myself. Was Aguinaldo really to blame of Luna’s death or was he just a victim of the circumstances as well?
I felt sorry for Antonio Luna for they had all been unfair to him. If I had been in his place, I would have been ill tempered, bitter and indifferent too – being unheard and deprived of authority. What could prove more heartbreaking than the lack of support and trust from the people who say is fighting for just the same cause? Sometimes, I just want to get mad at Aguinaldo for all these – for losing such a great man. But no one really knows in accurate account what really took place so many decades ago. The conspiracy against Luna was harsh that it seemed as if, in his assassination at Cabanatuan, he died without even knowing it. If he wanted to overthrow Aguinaldo from his position through a coup de etat, he could have just simply taken up arms against Aguinaldo instead of resigning and later on sending him a telegram of a proposal of a new Republic. And if since the start he was aware about this unscrupulous plan Aguinaldo is planning against him, he could have avoided being killed if he just hadn’t appeared in Cabanatuan where the president summoned him. But he wasn’t distrustful nor suspicious that he even left his accompaniment outside the premises leaving him unarmed and vulnerable as he entered Aguinaldo’s camp.

Conclusion

“I touched reality and in touching it, I felt the same pain produced by a cancerous wound on the finger.” – Antonio Luna

I guess what Antonio Luna is trying to say on this is that, it would have been more acceptable if it was the enemies’ bullets that shot and killed him but no, it was rather the hands of his very own fellow Filipinos who inflicted him with 40 wounds. It would even be more worth it if he died of fighting for the country but no, he was a victim of those green-eyed monsters lurking behind the masks of “defenders of the country”.
Antonio Luna was one of the great men of history. The Filipinos could have benefited from his potentials if everyone at that time had been altruistic enough to mind the real freedom of the Philippines instead of leaning behind the murky walls of the cruel invaders for their own welfare.
I would have to agree with Vivencio Jose in declaring Antonio Luna as “an enduring hero who lives from one generation to another, one of the truly great leaders of the Filipino people.”
We need an Antonio Luna today. A different Antonio Luna, maybe. Not someone who would not be listened to but, someone with the same act of bravery. Someone who’s intelligent enough to recognize the true horrors of what is going on in our present state of government and as well as the society, and do something about it.

REFERENCES

Alba, R. (1994). Talambuhay ng mga Bayani at mga Dakilang Pilipino. Caloocan City : Mizrack
Publications.

Ocampo, A. (1990). Looking Back. Pasig: Anvil Publishing Inc.

Ocampo, A. (1990). Luna’s Moustache. Pasig: Anvil Publishing Inc.

Joaquin, N. (1977). A Question of Heroes: Essays in Criticism on Ten Key Figures of Philippine
History. Makati: Ayala Museum, Filipinas Foundation.

Jose, V. (1972). The Rise and Fall of Antonio Luna. UP Diliman: Philippine Social Sciences and
Humanities Review.

“Antonio Luna,” (2006). Retrieved on March 18,
2006 at http://www.mb.com.ph/issues/2004/06/05/OPED2004060511128.

“Famous Filipino Masons,” (2006). Retrieved on March 18, 2006 at
http://www.glphils.org/famous-masons/faluna.htm.

“General Antonio Luna,” (2006). Retrieved on March 18, 2006 at
http://www.superluwi.com/scroll/heroes.html.

Author:

PROLOGUE

Memoirs of Suffocating Silence

by

MOONLIGHT BUTTERFLY

"Do you really think something is wrong, Maggie?"

"I don't know, it's just this gut feeling...It just happens...I could feel.."

Suddenly, a loud cry resounded from the kitchen at the first floor. It was Sally calling her for dinner.

"Coming mom!" she shouted back."I'll get back to you later," she whispered to her conversant and then she hurried her steps downstairs.

Maggie met her at the foot of the stairs and throwing her a suspicious look, she asked.

"Who is that you are talking with?"

She stared past her and seated herself beside the dining table.

"Nothing mom...," she whispered as she reached the bowl of steaming cream of mushroom soup a couple of inches away.

"How many times have I told you to do your homework early so you won't have to stay up late?" a firm but, soft still, voice spoke.

"And how many times, still, do I have to tell you just how much I hate mushrooms..." Maggie grimaced as she spoons the button mushrooms one by one from her bowl. "...and I thought you're my mom," she continued and Sally just gave her a sigh.

Maggie is a petite,an eighteen-year old, long-haired lass; white and freckled. Sally, on the other hand, is about to near her thirties but still manage to maintain her slim figure and exquisite beauty despite of days hardwork.

It has been almost three years since they moved to St. Louis Ville and so much has happened. So much that up to this point in time, Sally wasn't able to adjust still to the complexities of the situation. St. Louis Ville, to her, has almost everything. And she thought she could finally breathe out the horrors of the past to start off with a new life, and yet, everything around her only seems to remind her of what had gone through.

As she watched the girl in front of her taking her spoonfuls of rice and chicken, she could only imagine the days that had elapsed that she lost track of time. Everything had simply gotten out of control and it's more intricating than she had ever imagined. Everything's just so complicated now...

"Why aren't you touching your food, mom?" the girl spoke and Sally was revived out of her reverie. She smiled back at her and started eating her supper then.

"Darren was here a couple of minutes ago. He thought he should check on you...I said you were upstairs and.."

"Oh, that guy...," Maggie interrupted."Who is he again? Oh, our neighbor...I see...Don't be so close with that guy, Sally," she stared at Sally with that usual blank expression on her face which has always made it difficult for her to guess what has been going on in her mind.

"...you don't need him...Sally. You don't need men..." she added.

As much as Sally was surprised with what Maggie remarked, she was even more worried about the little damsel in distress. She could only frown with what she heard from her and she can't help but feel pangs of loneliness inside her. It was only yesterday that she was able to witness how good they are as a couple, Maggie and Darren, and how ironic it is now that he has been reduced to almost nothing, a total stranger to her. It seemed like they never loved each other or even knew each other. To her, it seemed as if Darren is just a name she never before heard.

A couple of minutes later, Maggie stood and walked back to ascend the stairs as Sally watched her. She was about to take the fifth step when she turned to sally's direction, and Sally was caught with a hint of surprise and at the same time, bewilderment. Perplexities that only grew more when she heard her spoke.

"Bianca's coming over with me to school tomorrow...Well, I figured it's about time that she get out of this rathole," she grinned, then she continued her steps.

Sally gazed at the girl's silhouette as it disappear before her to the top of the house, wide-eyed and bemused. The glass of lemonade she was holding all of a sudden escaped her grip and fell right out of her hands down to the floor.

"God...just what am I suppose to do.."

The crack of glass with the pouring of water had created a sound like that of an exotic wind chime that stands before a solitary hill. A piece of music played slow mo and everything else came into a stop. It never before sounded so sweet and ethereal...

>>>TO BE CONTINUED...

Hindi na uli ako magsusulat ng malungkot na tula

Hindi na uli ako magsusulat ng tungkol sa kanya

Gaya ng pagsasabing hindi na ulit ako mahuhulog pa

Sa mga pangako niyang ibinabaon sa lupa

Katulad ng paniniwalang nalimot ko na sya

O pagtanggi sa sariling minahal ko ba sya?

Ang tanga ko pala!

Sino ba sya?

Oo, sinabi ko nga...

Hindi na ako muli magsusulat pa

Ng kahit na anong akdang alay sa kanya

At hindi na kailanman ng isang malungkot na tala

Na sumasariwa sa nakaraang ligaya

Sinong niloko ko?

Ni hindi napigilan ang utak ko

Ang paggalaw ng kamay at pagtakbo ng isip

Ang paglapat ng tinta ng pluma sa papel kalakip

ang mga alaala ng matamis na suyuan naming dalawa

Sabay sulat na muli ng,

"tama na... hindi ko na sya iibigan pa."

 - moonlight butterfly

I hope it is just as easy as saying
“I want you”
And you’ll return a smile for me
I wish it is just as easy as saying
“I need you”
Then you’ll never have to leave
And how I wish it is just as easy to say
“I love you”
So you’ll love me too…
But I am wrong.
What do you want me to do?
Do I just have to get over you?
Then quit messing around!
Release my hands and let me go
Can’t you understand?
There’s no more tears left in me to flow…
I want to be numb
And I want to be happy…
I hope it is just as easy as thinking of that!
But never had things gone my way
Am I just the one making things so complicated?
I wish I never had to meet you
So I wouldn’t long to keep you
And beg you to stay…
Now that everything’s not just as easy to say.

- moonlight butterfly

Just when I thought I was through it all

One move from you and again I’ll fall

To think that I was over you

Darn, how I was wrong

One look and I freeze

One whisper and I grow weak

How can I not close my world from you completely?

And yet how can I make you see?

One knock and I let you through

One plea and I begin to tremble

One smile and I start to cry

One touch and I wonder why

Funny how hard you promised forever

And how easily you broke my heart

One hug and I’ll break my bones

One kiss and I could forget everything else…

For there is only one soul

It’s you

…who can break and mend my heart like new.

- moonlight butterfly

It’s over
I just did what I think is best
And this is what he wanted
How come I’m not happy?

I packed his things and he left
Yet, he never looked back
I wonder where the tears come from
Why am I not happy?

I let him go
I set him free
And this is what he wanted
How can I be happy?

Walking back home
There’s only one pair of footsteps
Shall I turn to where he is going?
And then would I be happy?

I think I did what’s best
Stab of pain crushed me into pieces
Knowing he will never come back
And I’ll no longer be happy…

Why didn’t he ask?
Why didn’t he care?
And he never tried to get things back
How I hope to be happy…

Now I know I won’t
For having him is what happiness means to me
If I asked him not to leave, will he stay?
‘Coz how I wanted to be happy.

- moonlight butterfly

Soft Breeze
by moonlight butterfly

[You know what... sometimes I wish I could just write and write and write… until my brain drained off of all the ideas…and my heart finally becomes numb. I don’t wanna feel no more. I’m tired already… my head is always aching… I can’t seem to focus on one thing… I am so lost…]

I wonder how it all began
We were strangers back then, and still
I never thought I would feel like this
Such a feeling I never thought I’m still capable of
After the many years of crying
When some lunatic broke my heart
And just a simple hello from you, stranger
You brought the broken pieces back
And it seemed like; you’re not a stranger to me after all
I tell you things I never thought I would tell anyone
My heart beams with joy every time you are around
Just by knowing you, I came back to life
From the tempest I never thought I would have surpassed
Every moment I spend with you is a lifetime of bliss
The flowers are all in bloom
I never saw the sky so clear
Or the stars so bright
Since you walked into my life
I am all the more surprised that the little day-to-day talk we share
Brought about a tremendous change in me
That I would ever get to know how to smile again…
I never felt my heart beats so fast every time you call my name
Or my soul quivers each time you show perfect care
And after a long time, finally, and again
I can’t believe myself but I think I have fallen for you
I think I’m in love with you
I love you…
But stranger, now, where are you?
Now that I need you
Now that I long to share the laughter with you
The happy moments of my life only with you…
And right when one is the loneliness number
During my saddest moments that I long for your warm embrace to comfort me
Have you gone out of my life completely?
Did you leave me too just as what he did to me before?
And so, shall I ask God the same question again…
Why do I always fall for the wrong person?
Why do I love someone…who is not meant for me after all…?
Just as when I longed for someone to stay…
You left me like the soft breeze one evening
It was only yesterday that we exchanged hellos and now
…not even a goodbye.


[Now that I’ve sighed all up…. I feel much relieved…=)…]