All my life I’ve been constantly searching for something…not that I know of…
..not that I know how to find
Nobody understands me…
And so everyone is fooled by the jolly and cheerful mask that I wear
How come no one reaches inside, beyond this strong façade that I built for years?
How can no one see the weak and lonely little child inside yearning for someone to warm her cold and trembling hands?
“You have a wonderful life”, they’d always say
What life? …who has?
This nobody who claims to be somebody??
This someone who has always been left out, backstabbed, taken advantage of…?
I, who knows nothing about trust anymore?...of what real friends are?...of what true love is?
And who, in the middle of gaiety, stops for a while to shed tears…?
The little do they know.
If I would fight back to defend myself, I’d lost the only people that I have…
…the so-called “people who cares”
Oh, how I love to sing and dance in the rain for they would never know how hard I cry…
I’ve always been that miss goody-pants
Innocent and sweet…and they love that part of me
But I’m tired of pretending…of not being me
Of being insensitive, of being alone
My whole life I’ve been stuck here, in my own self-built prison wall of hurt and fears
No one hears my screams, my cries, my pleas…
Only nice people know what hurt is…for they are the only ones who allow it to happen
Oh the old cliché, “hurt teaches us how to love”
Reality bites, that I know.
And so I’m left with no one…
Miss Smarty-pants me has lots of friends
Miss Popular me, Miss Cover girl me, Miss Congeniality me, Miss Someone-you-can-always-count-on-to me, and Miss Love Counselor me have plenty of chums too
But the “real me” have 2 companions: myself and I
Now…
I lost the key
I lost the greatest piece of the puzzle
Most of all…I lost “me”.
Comments
gosh! if you just open up to people you too will find out that they are also going through what you are going through these days...sometimes superficial chitchat gets so tiring that you wonder if there would be someone who can see through all the cover-up you have made and recognize that you need help...not help per se but just listeninmg and assuring that you are not alone in feeling that way... i am going through the stage where i find myself looking for my lost self...the real me the one who I thought would always be right beside me but then i woke up one day to find I have lost her and that she is the only staunch supporter i could ever have...you are not alone, sometimes it's okay to open up to others about the turmoil you are in...i am here for you always!
We are all friends here! :) And i'm sure my advice is never right, but only to pleased to try and help whenever. Thanks :) Sure, shout me whenever you like...
thanks Leo...Ü
thanks elle.... i know i could count on you...Ü