Silhouette of Time
By Moonlight Butterfly

Life, for all I can remember, has never been bitter to anyone. Live your life to the fullest, they say, because nothing really lasts forever. And so life slowly fades away as the sand pours down the bottom of the hourglass. That’s when the thought of trying to make every minute of my life worth the while came up to me, especially when I found out about my sickness.
“The stage of your cancer of the liver progressed. I’m sorry to say but you only have twenty-four hours to live. .” I almost crashed down in astonishment when I heard the doctor spoke. I could hardly believe that that is all that was left to me and that I only have twenty-four hours to spend in my life. I have gotten so pale and slender since I got ill and it has been very difficult for me and for my family to accept the news. But it’s no use dwelling in the depths of fear in facing reality. I only have a day to live and that is all, and I wont waste it. I promised myself not to die without having been able to accomplish all of my goals in life, all of my dreams that I’ve been trying to pursue and all the things I still want to do. The next day would be the end of it all and I want to brave.
I woke up this day at exactly six o’clock in the morning. After going to the hospital and being able to hear that dreaded news, the first thing that I wanted to do was to visit our church. I requested for my family’s company as we listened to the holy mass. Entering the church was truly a different feeling. It was really a great help. I felt lighter, as if another minute has been added to my countdown timer. All this time I’ve been searching for that something missing in my life without knowing that it is Him that I’ve forgotten all along.
I felt so happy coming back to Him. By tomorrow I will leave and I will be with Him forever. And I couldn’t help myself but cry for everything that I am going to miss. I am going to miss my family, my relatives and my friends. As much as I don’t want them to see me go, all we have to do is to be stronger and to at least try to smile amidst the pain. I’ve been with my parents for so long and I never felt so near to them and so in love with them as today. They were my priceless treasures that I will keep wherever I go.
The mass ended at almost nine o’clock and I found myself taking the last embrace of my family – my mother, my father, my brothers and sisters. It all seemed solemn. After that, we went back home where my friends had gathered up to see me. They were all there. My buddies back in high school, my friends in college and even some close friends I had during my grade school. They were all there waiting for me. Delighted, I hurried off to kiss them and hug them one by one. The laughter is back, those some tears and worries got in the way; all of us exerted some effort not to show the weakness of the situation. How sad it is to realize that you only know the ones who really care for you right when you have no time left to show them how you care in return. And isn’t it sad to know that everything you had wished for all your life only comes because you are going to die soon. People will only see you and appreciate you when you’ve banished already. That’s what life is. That is reality.
After eating lunch together, my friends and I watched my favorite movie in my room and it was fun. Afterwards, they shared their wishes for me. They voiced out what they feel about me and how they wish they could still see me tomorrow. How sweet of them to think of me during this crucial moment of my life though I know they wouldn’t even bother to see me if I had been okay. But I’m grateful of it then. They left at five o’clock in the afternoon. After that, I began arranging my special belongings. I took out our family picture because I wanted to hold it until the very last breath run out of me. I also pulled out some things from my drawer, which I wanted to hand out to my family and friends. Some of which are my clothes, the disk containing the collection of my favorite songs, all of my literary works – poems, novels, short stories which I requested my parents to have it published, and the letters from the people that I love that I still keep in a special box that I want to be read on my funeral.
When I finished sorting out all of the things I want to be done before I pass away, I saw the phone at the side of my bed and an idea came up to me. There is still someone that I am hoping to talk with even for the last time so I phoned my old friend, the only man that I loved in my whole life. He was home and we talked for almost an hour. I’m glad that he has no idea of what is going on with me right now and of what is going to happen to me tomorrow so I managed to talk with him casually and at ease as I did before. I know he had been very surprised when I told him how much I love him but it’s the only time I know to finally admit it to him and there will be no other time. He has been the only person I had loved so dearly besides my family and I’ve been a coward not to tell him so, letting so many years passed by without him knowing about it. We have been very close friends and I don’t want to lose it just like that by saying something I know would prove so wrong because he loves someone else. And yet, it was the only right I’ve known. Loving him was the most wonderful thing that ever happened to me. And as much as I have feared the thought of losing him but now, I’m losing him. Only, it was I that will go. I hung up leaving a trail of questions of which I cannot answer anymore. It was too excruciating for me that I can’t help but cry.
My mother called for me at eight o’clock in the evening and I met her at the foot of the stairs, teary-eyed. I can’t take the look of it, leaving all those people I had loved. I asked my mom and dad not to cry when I’m finally gone because where I am going is so much like a home where I will be happy through eternity. I would never really leave, I would only remain in the hearts of the people I cared for reminding them of the memories we had together. And so I said my farewell to my family and bade them goodbye. They wanted to hold my hands until the very last minute but I refused. I don’t want anyone of them to see me die instead I want to leave them with the thought that I had just gone off to sleep. I want to spend the remaining time, alone, reminiscing all that has happened and everything that I’ve done in my life. Now, it was almost time to leave, one last hour before the call of departure.
I went up to my room and stared outside my window to see the world, the world that I would trade for life in heaven, and the world I once been part of, the world that helped me become who I am today. Now, I’m spending the remaining hour of my life writing all this for the people I love to read before the moment arrive. This one moment in my life that is about to come when I will finally meet the silhouette of time.

No matter how hard I try...it's not just enough. People only see you when you've done something wrong or something plausible to their advantage. And it marks. But when you try to do something good, they hardly notice you. What they see are the faults that back it up. When you're lying in a bed made out of wood, what you recognize are the flaws in it: uncomfortability, dullness, et cetera. What you cannot see is the fact that you're lucky enough not to sleep on the ground. People are just not aware of the reality. It's when we thought the world had almost turned its back on us that we cannot feel how much we should be grateful of that we still have at least another day to live. We feel so bad and everything just hurt that we forget to be thankful that at least we still have the power to feel. People always get caught in the same mistakes. Same trap. Same losses. For they are easily deceived by what first impress them. For people only see what their eyes want to see. It is not us that rule our fates when we should have been, but it's our fate that rule us.. Yes, God have written our destiny long before we've been brought into this world and it depends on us whether we want to get on our track easy or choose the long path, the other way around...but the safest and the surest way. People are vulnerable in nature. People are similar to the mechanism of a device. It wouldn't start unless push to it. It wouldn't stop unless it is finally destroyed. But what we do not know, from the destroyed peices there still are some particles left worth picking for to start with. You just have to press the reset button. To undo what is done. To refrain from the horrors of redundancy. What is done can no longer be undone, truly, yet those are the half of the missing pieces of a broken glass. And half yet to discover. We must not look at our reflection in the glass..we must see through it. Only to be surprised that there is so much more to see in a human heart that we have long ignored.

Love, love, love…OMG!

What is love? I’m sure a lot of us have encountered this question many times already, most especially when our friends would ask us to write on their slumbooks, autographs or whatever you call it, surveys what have you.

The truth is, there is really not a concrete meaning or even explanation for the word love because love is indefinable. Love is the greatest thing on earth because it’s the greatest gift we’ve received from God. More often than not we define love by the feeling we feel for a particular someone of the opposite sex but that is only one classification of love. There are certain types of love like love for god, love for your friends, love for your family, love for country, a mother’s love to her child, love for nature et cetera et cetera. But we will focus more on the most complicated type of love; the one we often refer to as love…a love for someone of the opposite sex.

When do we know that we’ve fallen in love? Well, like everyone else’s, you just know it when you feel it. You really can’t tell when cupid’s arrow struck you but it’s truly a different feeling. Yet, most of us instantly jump into conclusion and that’s the reason why we often mistaken love from infatuation not knowing that love is not hurried, it is rather developed. There is no even such a thing as “love at first sight”, now that’s infatuation only and as you grow to know each other more day by day…that is the start of what we call “love”.

*Just always remember, when it’s stronger – it’s love. When it’s selfless – it’s love. When it’s more of acceptance and sacrifices – it’s love. When it’s more of opening you up to reality – it’s love. When it’s more of giving than receiving – it’s love. And most important of all, if it lasts longer which makes it hard to forget amidst the pain – it’s love.

>>>to read more...check out my file "love" on the sidelist

The Roots of Love
by moonlight butterfly


Ever since I was that small
You’ve always been the roots for me
You taught me how to stand upright
That’s why I’ve always held on you tight

And while I grow up you become
The guiding light that shows the way
And when I get lost in the woods
You would grab my arms and lead me through

Before, I never even realized you were there
I thought that everyone was born to have the likes of you
The uncountable times of sacrifices
The unconditional love I took for granted

And now I know how important you are
As I see the creases on your face
A product of never-ending years of hard work
And smile to hide the pain

My only wish for you my parents
That you be all in good health
So you would never have to leave me
Through my ups and downs you will see me

I have always hoped for happiness
For good things I could bestow upon you
But I realized then there’s not a thing
That could replace your magical deeds

For the years to come I’ll then be your roots
Not to help you stand upright but
To hold on, for you had withstood the odds
And I want you still to carry on.

Time to Let Go
by moonlight butterfly


Time goes by
and I search for the answers
I can hardly find the reasons why…
It had to be this way
When after all those years of loving you
and losing you…
It is still that same you
Still you, that remains inside my heart
I don’t want to cry
I hated the idea
But moment by moment
As thoughts of you linger in my mind
Teardrops fall inevitably
Inexplicably, unbearably
I told myself many times not to love you
Or ever wonder if you did feel that way too
All this time you are almost mine
And now…
Where are you?
Now that I need you
Now that I long for your touch
Your smile that brings the sun up after the rain
How could I ever wake up into the reality?
How could I possibly end up all this?
Have I told you I saw you again?
But it was someone else really
Have I told you how glad I was during our talk recently?
When in fact, alone, it is just I
Hanging on the idea that you
Somehow, someday…
Would come back and bring back the broken pieces of me…
I Miss You.