Well…I think I’m just out of my league lately…I’m not even myself.

My friends would often joke about how stupid I stare into nothingness, as if waiting for something to fall from the sky! I guess I am…though nothing that I know of yet.

I’ve always wondered about the purpose of my existence… what in the world am I here for??

But having thought of this…something came up in my mind. Perhaps that is my mission after all…ya’ know, to figure out my purpose. Sounds quite absurd huh? See how a messed up mind works!! Ha-ha! I said so because…my lifelong search for the truth about my existence in this world provided as a fuel that kept me going all along. Just the mere fact of accepting inside me that I have something to live for in this world that I have yet to find out keeps me going on… and this what gives my life its meaning.
Ever since I was a child, I have started wondering: why did I have to live if I would soon have to die? Of course people would answer… “You are here to make the best out of what God has given you.” That I know. But how would I be able to know if my best is already enough? I believe each and one of us has a mission in this world, a mission that we try to fulfill during the course of life. Life, technically, is the span of time from being born to being dead. Whatever path we choose – whether the longest yet safest route or the fastest yet unpredictable path – we all lead to the same end. Death. But the possession of something to look forward to in the future, a sort of vision on how we are going to see ourselves someday gives us at least something to enjoy as we take life’s journey.

Life’s too short. That is if you’re an optimist. Life’s too long… that is if you haven’t figured out yet what drives your life into motion. And that what makes life boring…when you think as if everything’s just the same and nothing unique is going on around you. Life, definitely, without a purpose is dull. That’s why we have family and friends around us. We may all be struggling in our own ways, but together we make a difference. And we realize that life is worth living after all…

And until I finally figure out my purpose in this world…I would remain the same as the person that I always have… I will continue with the quest until I reach the end, attain my final goal and eventually…receive my rewards. Admit it; we do something when we know there is a reward awaiting us in the end.
“I’m going to pass the exam so I could watch the television the whole week!”
“I would try my best to win the match so everyone would be proud of me”…See, that is how people are geared. So it is but healthy to keep something to look forward to always. And lastly, always keep our faith in God, for He will guide us through the right track – toward the destiny He had long set for us.

The leaves of the trees start to shed off...
Of which will soon gather beneath the ground
The next day, it will be but skeletons in the midst of forenoon
And tomorrow still…
New leaves will sprout
Of pure green, healthy and sound. -moonlight butterfly


Letting go may sound complicated…

Yesterday, as had been my habitual custom, I’ve been in one of my favorite chat rooms in Yahoo! >>> Depressed Room, where I have already met a bunch of nice and decent online chatters whom were now my so-called “cyber friends”. A number of ‘depressed’ chatters visit our room where I am one of the “love counselors” and our last topic had been about forgetting…and the art of letting go.

Like the oldest cliché “time heals the wounds” goes…truly, it is only through time that the pain from a broken heart eventually subsides.

Just like the tree shedding off its leaves…so is forgetting someone who had once been a very special part of our lives…

Well, the difference is…

Trees have to let go of its old leaves to make way for the new ones so the trees could continue to live - they need new and healthy leaves that would manufacture its food.

The same is true with people…how can we get on with our lives if we continue to dwell on the past? Yeah, I know it’s always easier said than done but come to think of it… why can’t you let go?? What has been holding you back from moving on…?

Well, that’s the major problem among people. They’d say, “I want to forget. I want to move on…” when in reality they’re just eating everything they say! They want to move on, to get rid off the aches …but deep inside them they know that they are not willing yet to let go. They want to embrace the memories. Somehow, they hope and they long that something might still happen that could perhaps fix the problem…and that they’ll wake up someday and find everything back to normal - how it was back then.

But in many cases, it just no longer works. It’s dead end already and that you have no other choice but to forget and let go.

Love is just like a song. Now, it’s fresh, innovative…a sure fire hit! And tomorrow…it’s no longer that popular and ground-breaking as it has been. But if it’s true and sincere…it could as well be one of the reggaes that are revived and played in the radio over and over again.

As a matter of fact, forgetting is not really possible, most especially when that someone had created a mark on you, a mark that you will carry on for a lifetime. Because the truth is…you may forget the pain but never the person who caused it. For that someone had left us “distinctive” memories in a sense that…it is only with that someone that we share such precious moments, such memories that are indeed uniquely different and apart from the rest. Or you may not even forget everything but through time…eventually, it doesn’t hurt that bad anymore.

It is not the separation of you two that really hurts…it is the sudden stop of the love that you once used to share that is really devastating. Just like the breaking of your everyday routine or your habit...all of a sudden you feel clueless.

Think of it this way…

When someone left you with a scar in your heart…cry. But only for a while. Then smile after…why?
Because at least you found out too soon that he/she was not really the one for you…and that there’s someone better out there waiting for you. It may be your fault for not giving it your best shot…or it may not just worth it.

Why do the withered leaves fall down to the ground?

Sure, because of gravity you fool!

Enghkkkk!!! There is another answer to that.

Answer: Because the Lord now let them serve a different purpose for the tree – as fertilizers that will help nourish the tree. So, the old leaves didn’t leave the tree after all rather, it is one of the reasons why the tree continues to live on healthily.

So, our losses in the love arena are not s*** that only make our lives miserable. Hence, it provides us the lessons we need to learn and the foundation to support us in becoming the strong and sturdy tree that we are. So the next time we get hold of our boxing gloves, we’ll win the match! He he... We know then what and what not to do for our next relationship to be more meaningful and fruitful.

But still, we have to always bear in our minds that…to love is a challenge every one of us faces. There is no assurance of not getting hurt or a happily-ever-after ending…but learning to face the fact that the cycle of the art of letting go continues until you find that someone who is willing to stay.=)



**Sorry for quite another profound article… Argh! Boredom sure does kill me! Ha-ha! =)

I was too dumb to realize it all only now…

Instead of mourning for all the hurts it caused me, for all the pains I’ve been through… here I am, so stupid when I should have been beaming with joy after all.
I know it was almost time to move on. I was almost over him and yet…only “almost”.
But now, it’s about time for me to finally learn how to smile once more.
Why? Because now I know why it hurts this much, why it wounded this deep…and the reason for it is because…I loved almost selflessly.
Acceptance is truly a big part of moving on with your life…realizing that something had indeed went wrong and that it was about the right time for you to get back on track and live the rest of your life.

To love for the sake of being loved is human; to love for the sake of loving is pure.

And humans are naturally born to crave for attention, for love and for security…
I never thought I would love this much without ever asking for something in return. And this is what real love is…when you ignore your ego and you go where your heart longs to go. Oh yes, sometimes I hope I could just be loved back by that most special person in my life but…it’s just not worth it. And I’m tired of it…hoping and wishing…when in reality; it was all just a dream…
But instead of fighting for my own feelings…I gave way. I just let it flow…

If love is not meant to be…it never will.

The season of crying and crying and crying…is over. I’ve had enough. I’d rather laugh, though not real, at least I laugh…at least I try to. It’s one step ahead though.

Destiny may be the one which determines who enters our life…but it is the heart that decides who stays inside.

I let him rent a space in my heart and what did he do? He didn’t do an aftercare. He even messed it all up!
I’ve learned my lessons now… he’s not worth crying for anyway. My friends would even often scold me of loving toooooo muccchhhhh!!!! and otherwise ending up so torn. But, I just can’t help it! When I love, I tend to give all that I could…so that at the end, no one could ever blame me that I didn’t give enough. I let myself get hurt…I know a lot of people out there would think of it as stupidity. But you know what, those who think of it that way…probably had never really loved at all, or perhaps, never felt what real love is – the selfless love that is.
I know you’d say, “O c’mon! quit the crap! Stop this nonsensical talk. No one ever loves selflessly! That’s not even possible!”

Selfless love is not really giving your entire self…a matter of unrequited love, but letting yourself be freed from too much expectations that you will be loved back by the person whom you choose to love. That you should be loved back. Because there never really is assurance of it. Only the solace from the reality that:
Love is not because but inspite of.

If you are really meant for each other..time will come, if God permits it, no matter what happens…you’ll end up to be together! Happy in each other’s arms…
Here’s what I’ve learned in my crazy quest to find love:
1. You don’t set your standards for the ideal person whom you’re going to spend life with; your standards adjust to what qualities your significant other posses.
2. Love is blind, but more often than not do people mistake that it is “us” that are blinded…well, it’s half true. Humans are not really blind when it comes to love. They actually see the truth, the realities but they prefer not to see nor mind. Because such realities bite. But what we do not know is that the truth only hurts when you choose not to empty your heart of self-denials.
3. Small fights are healthy among couples. In that way, you know what each other think.
4. Jealousy is not even a way to show that you love a person and that you care. Well, that’s a common misconception. Jealousy, for me, is having all these “insecurities”, lack of trust and rather an act of selfishness.
5. Understanding is the main ingredient of a fruitful relationship and yet the hardest one to earn.
6. Mr./Ms. Perfect does not necessarily mean Mr./Ms. Right.

***TO YOU:
… I want to thank you…for teaching me of all the lessons I need to learn, so the next time I’ll fall in love again…it’ll be just about perfect. I love you but…goodbye. I’ll never forget though the years we’ve spent together and the moments of us that you’ve given me that I’ll surely treasure forever. I know I wouldn’t forget you…that’s not possible but, what I hope to forget is that I ever get hurt from loving so much. You’ll remain one of the sweetest pieces of puzzle completing my life…***

I was riding my way home in a bus when all these mellow music kept playing on and on and on…

I was so desperately depressed….and sad…and tormented…

I would constantly ask God why I still can’t forget him and move on if he’s not for me after all, but then I’d hear Him speak from the back of my mind saying… “You have learned a valuable lesson dear child, but it is time for you now to go through your own life. Stop dwelling on the past for you are closing your heart to the person I have really sent for you after all…”
How I wish it is that easy to do…who am I kidding? If it was, I could have done it a long time ago… but here I am, thinking of the what-could-have-beens and stuck with a bunch of what-ifs……

I have long wanted to let go…but I so fear that by letting go of the rope of the past…I might just end up falling in a deeper, much colder and darker well…or hole…or a scary pit of which I would never know escape. Yes, I don’t know what trust is anymore…even to trust my own self is as well a hard thing for me to do.

Meanwhile, I’ve been receiving this bunch of “consistent” yet strange phone calls for like almost…five months already. The phone will ring twice or thrice and before I could even pick it up to answer…the line dies. Sometimes, I match up to his timing…I had raised the mouth piece but…gosh, he would never speak up! He’s just there…listening to my voice…probably half bursting into laughter for my silliness. He’s like that for so long, like everyday…and he does it 2 or 3 times a day…in similar fashion! I don’t know what his problem is…hmm…. I’m already suspecting that it is someone I know…I guess. But why won’t he talk??? Only a few people know my number so…who could it be?

Sometimes I wish that…it was him. But….nah! Silly thought, why would he even bother.

One thing is just clear to me right now…I miss him. I miss him sooooo muchhhhh!!!! It kills me. I know I’ll never love this much again…not when I have been loving him this much still. I even wonder for sometimes…what would happen if we see each other again? Will there be a difference? What would he feel? How would I feel? Will I feel the same kind of feeling I had for him before?…would I realize then that he’s not for me after all or would the feeling only grow stronger?

Perhaps the reason why I can’t give my heart yet to somebody else, to the many of guys out there waiting for me…is because until this very moment, I’m still holding on. I’m still waiting for him…somehow. I know it’s not good but…I have nothing else to do. I wouldn’t want to commit to someone whom I am not sure about my feelings yet. I would only hurt him…and that of all, is the least thing I would want to do…and that I would never even want to do.

I just want “him”, the only person I love, to be happy now…somehow, that’s all that I always pray for. Hey, maybe he’s happy now. It was only this foolish heart of mine that is so perplexed and torn. And yet, he’d always remain a special part of me…something that makes my life complete.

I was one of those people, let say, who had dealt with death for an awful lot of times. When I was still a little girl, I had this measles, my parents told me it was terrible that they thought I almost gonna die then. Back in grade school, I accidentally hit my head on the ground due to a game of jumping rope and I lost a lot of blood. And during in my high school days…well…the moment I never thought would ever come in my life. Someone, for no reasonable explanations…aimed a gun at me. And to think how close he is to my heart, one of those people I truly respect and honor and love…and now, I fear. Not that he has grown cruel to me…Sometimes he just doesn’t understands me. He was furious then, I heard screams from people around me… I was not actually thinking of myself that moment. Unbelievably…I didn’t even feel scared or anything. I was even more worried about him, the person who tried to kill me, and all the people around me.
It’s okay if I die… I don’t feel anything right now. They need him more than they need me… if it’s my time already, then so be it.
And just when I thought he’s gonna pull the trigger…he didn’t.

And then there are moments that the bus I’m riding home with will crash into another…but it was nothing serious.

You see, death is unpredictable. We never know when the final calling will come so we must be prepared for it.

Why are we afraid of DEATH?

It is not death that we are actually afraid of – it’s the fear of the unknown. Most of us have no idea what happens after the last breath ran out of us…of where we’ll go or where we’re going to be. Who knows anyway? So we try to find an assurance…where? To the promises of eternal life after death by some religions. Because we want to suppress that fear of being lost, of being unsafe, of lack of certainty in this world.
I remember what my professor in Humanities (oh I’m beginning to love her now!) told us:
“When a loved one died…do you mourn for him/her or do you mourn for yourself?”

Somehow she’s right. We cry, we grieve for the loss…but what were we thinking??

Oh, my beloved! Why did you leave me? Why did you have to die? Why did this have to happen? What would have become of me now? I cannot live without you…”

See, we only think of ourselves. We cry because we are left here…left still in this world as vulnerable and confused puny little mortals. =^-^=

To tell you the truth, to cry for the loss of someone so dear to you is an act of selfishness. Not that I’m already numb or insensitive whatsoever. But because ‘till that very last minute…we don’t want to let go of him/her. Funny how it may sound but… we don’t own him/her. The Lord just lent them to us, to be a part of our lives, to teach us of the lessons we need to learn, to help us in the battles we need to win…for us not to feel alone in this world!

We don’t own them so we don’t have the right to hold them so tight.

“Like a bird always eager to fly; so are humans always eager to venture the world – himself” -anne

Though I have not yet experienced losing someone I love so much in my life…not yet – and I hope not….not until I’m ready for it.

I hope that people won’t fear death anymore and that everyone will be able to accept the fact that death is just a matter of being complete…

In what sense? It’s an indicator that you have finally fulfilled your mission in this world, you have finally figured out the purpose of your existence and that you are worthy enough now to be born again and be with our Lord.

Rumor has it and it was told that the bible foretold it that the next pope is an antichrist… the issue has been circulating around the world….

Who knows whether or not it’s true..?

I don’t believe it…neither do I believe in it.

It’s because the world “antichrist” itself has been so misconceived by people nowadays. Or it’s because lesser number of people are reading the bible now.

Antichrist refers to something against God…..probably the devil itself. We wouldn’t see one with horns and a tail (well, not literally)…..and where the world speaks of its evilness. The devil has the ability to imitate everything good that God has created. Hmm….scary huh? Yes it’s true. That’s why a lot of people are being mislead and confused…
A false prophet is an antichrist. Fortune tellers and statues of saints are too…
“Statues of saints??”, you ask.
Well, anything that deviates our attention to God is a form of antichrist.
So about the issue…
The next pope is an antichrist?
There’s a way to change that claim…
If in his goodness we become blinded that we believe that he’s the one who give us the miracles and not God, that he’s the one who heals, gives comfort and unites people…and if we treat him like almost a god, even more than how we praise the Holy Mighty One…then he in that case he becomes a figure of antichrist and that we are commiting the biggest sin there is!

Remember the first commandment:
“I am the Lord thy God. Thou shalt not have strange gods before me.”

The reason why we are lost now is because we abandon God on our way. We always think that we could make it alone. God will help us through, if we just don’t fail to seek for his assistance; amidst the perplexities and struggles we face in our everyday lives. Strengthen your faith in God….the God Almighty…the only true God there is…it’s our only salvation. For He will provide us the only truth.

“The kingdom of God is inside you, and all around you; not in buildings of stones or statues of marbles. In strip of wood, seek and you shall find Me.”

What the heck is an OT???

This is what I told my self before having any knowledge of it...

At first, when I was still writing down the course I would like to enroll in college. My first choice was of course, the ever in-demand "BS Nursing"... yeah, just because of "parents-told-me-to" thing...well, I didn't personally like it. What I really wanted to take in the first place was electronics and communications engineering...or something which has to do with interior designing stuff...but I bummed! Instead, I wrote nursing as a first choice...and....BS Occupational Therapy as my second choice in the most prestigious premier state University of the Philippines. Why? My friend told me it's good... and because my sister needs special care...from an OT that is, so I wanted to help her...hopefully...someday. (Though it was just my second reason at first)

Occupational Therapy is a field ...uhm... let's just define it this way.

These are some unique definitions of OT that I came across in the net:
"A physical therapist will teach you how to walk; an occupational therapist will teach you how to dance"

"How many OT does it talk to light a bulb? None. The occupational therapist will teach the bulb to light itself"

And the ever famous proverb that is most apt to define what an OT does:
"Give a man a fish and you'll feed him for a day; Teach a man how to fish and you'll feed him for a lifetime"

Pretty inspirational stuffs huh? Why am I telling this to you? Well, why don’t you ask yourself first... why are you reading my post anyway? But since you're reading it already... Im not in the position to give you the correct definition of an OT nor am I a professional in this kind of field... oh yes! You heard it right; I enjoy being an OT now!!!!!! Unbelievable? he he...it’s because OT is the most wonderful job there is!!! Let me tell you bout my past experience so you'll understand.=)



On the 6th of April 2005, we were asked to do this observation for an OT clinic as a pre-requisite for a major subject we are going to take in our second year in college that will last for about five days. At first, I was reluctant about it…I thought it would be boring and all but...it was fun! It was rather great!

My first observation was with this little girl…she has ADL (im not sure) and she was all this dizzy all the time as the therapist guides her and teach her how to grip a spoon, put the food on her mouth and chew it…yes, you read it right, step-by-step. I was pretty amazed by how patient these people (the therapists) are, despite the children’s whining, throwing everything their hands got to touch, crying biting, and occasional uncooperativeness…he/she remains patient and loving but firm.

The second one is with this little kudos having an ongoing toddler’s class or something. They said it boosts their socialization skill and participation as a group. But there is this one child that the instant he entered the room…he started crying and crying that he’s unstoppable! So the other kids go on crying too. And when I gazed outside to see the parents peering through the glass door, some of them were crying as they watch their little ones…I was deeply touched. It was so much a burden for the parents to see their child suffering; unaware of the reality they’ve been going about. And during this pre-play session that we got to participate in and even played with the kids…there is this one child that I could never forget. The therapist told us that he (the kido) whenever roams around the mall or somewhere with his parents…he’d go to the prettiest girl on that place and would hold her hands, and he especially like kissing people. And all the while, during the entire session, he would always turn to his back (where I was) and would blow kisses at me. Or he would climb down his armchair and would kiss my cheeks. So sweet. He even calls himself, the “kissing bandit”. And before the therapy session ends, he told me, “go to my house, play with my toys”. Awwww….sweet! little angel.=)
And everyday, during our observations, I’ve witnessed a lot of activities and kinds of therapies the “teachers” employs to these little kids. Mostly concerns the child’s Sensory Integration, Motor Planning and Socialization Skills. Oh, heck! I’ll learn more about that in my second and third year.Ü and I think, now, I’m already ahead with my classmates! Coz I’ve already learned a lot of things about what an OT is through this observation thing…



When you’re handling a child…no matter how smarty-pants you are back in college with all these terms you memorized in your major subjects…it is less likely useful. I mean, I’m not saying that it won’t matter….it will. It’s just that, no matter how much you know about occupational therapy, still, it’s different strokes, for different folks, in this case, when it comes to the patients. Though special children deserve special care, what you are trying to impose upon them is a world like that of normal children. So you must learn how to establish rapport, when to be gentle and when to be strict. You shouldn’t let the child control you that you’ll give in to his demands so he’ll follow you…you have to show him who’s the boss. I’m not saying it’s about building tyranny or whatsoever over the kids, it’s a matter of teaching them and making them realize that not all the time they’d get what they want. They should learn how to wait for their turn, wait for the instructions of their teachers or parents before doing anything, be independent and learn how to listen and pay attention. And this goes to “normal” kids as well.

This 5-day observation changed my life entirely…

I finally realized that I’m on the right track all along. I wanted to be an OT someday. Not because of the extra high salary…of course I admit, it was a part of it. More importantly, I want to help these young people. I want to be a part of their lives. I admire the OTs who never seems to get tired of molding the lives of these young and innocent children that are “uniquely” different that makes them apart from the rest yet special and indeed, smart individuals who are also a part of this world. I hope that people wouldn’t look down on them (special kids with CP, ADHD, DS etc.) anymore. That they’d think they are hopeless because of their sickness and that they are burdens of the community. You know what I think about the people who think this way? They are the real hopeless ones. They are the real burdens of the community. Because though normal, they couldn’t be effective individuals in their own ways. Heck, they’re just wasting their lives!

Being an OT entails so much responsibility. Coz you are like the second parent of your patients. The parents would trust you with their little ones and these little “special” ones give you the same amount of trust and love as well. So an OT, is not just a course mastered, it’s a matter of commitment and dedication. An OT is not made; he is born. And he’s probably the most compassionate being there is. How I wish I could be a good OT someday. I want my patients to love me too, I just love children and I love seeing those happy faces staring back at me.

“Choose a job that you love and you never work for a day”

That’s what we should always bear in mind. So we’ll never regret anything at the end. And I assure you, you wouldn’t enjoy being an OT if you don’t love it and just go for the money.

And you know the best part of it…? YOU GET ALL THE HUGS AND KISSES THAT YOU WANT! Well, from the kids, that is.=)

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed reading my article as much as I enjoyed typing it. Ta ta for now! (~^.^~)

Silhouette of Time
By Moonlight Butterfly

Life, for all I can remember, has never been bitter to anyone. Live your life to the fullest, they say, because nothing really lasts forever. And so life slowly fades away as the sand pours down the bottom of the hourglass. That’s when the thought of trying to make every minute of my life worth the while came up to me, especially when I found out about my sickness.
“The stage of your cancer of the liver progressed. I’m sorry to say but you only have twenty-four hours to live. .” I almost crashed down in astonishment when I heard the doctor spoke. I could hardly believe that that is all that was left to me and that I only have twenty-four hours to spend in my life. I have gotten so pale and slender since I got ill and it has been very difficult for me and for my family to accept the news. But it’s no use dwelling in the depths of fear in facing reality. I only have a day to live and that is all, and I wont waste it. I promised myself not to die without having been able to accomplish all of my goals in life, all of my dreams that I’ve been trying to pursue and all the things I still want to do. The next day would be the end of it all and I want to brave.
I woke up this day at exactly six o’clock in the morning. After going to the hospital and being able to hear that dreaded news, the first thing that I wanted to do was to visit our church. I requested for my family’s company as we listened to the holy mass. Entering the church was truly a different feeling. It was really a great help. I felt lighter, as if another minute has been added to my countdown timer. All this time I’ve been searching for that something missing in my life without knowing that it is Him that I’ve forgotten all along.
I felt so happy coming back to Him. By tomorrow I will leave and I will be with Him forever. And I couldn’t help myself but cry for everything that I am going to miss. I am going to miss my family, my relatives and my friends. As much as I don’t want them to see me go, all we have to do is to be stronger and to at least try to smile amidst the pain. I’ve been with my parents for so long and I never felt so near to them and so in love with them as today. They were my priceless treasures that I will keep wherever I go.
The mass ended at almost nine o’clock and I found myself taking the last embrace of my family – my mother, my father, my brothers and sisters. It all seemed solemn. After that, we went back home where my friends had gathered up to see me. They were all there. My buddies back in high school, my friends in college and even some close friends I had during my grade school. They were all there waiting for me. Delighted, I hurried off to kiss them and hug them one by one. The laughter is back, those some tears and worries got in the way; all of us exerted some effort not to show the weakness of the situation. How sad it is to realize that you only know the ones who really care for you right when you have no time left to show them how you care in return. And isn’t it sad to know that everything you had wished for all your life only comes because you are going to die soon. People will only see you and appreciate you when you’ve banished already. That’s what life is. That is reality.
After eating lunch together, my friends and I watched my favorite movie in my room and it was fun. Afterwards, they shared their wishes for me. They voiced out what they feel about me and how they wish they could still see me tomorrow. How sweet of them to think of me during this crucial moment of my life though I know they wouldn’t even bother to see me if I had been okay. But I’m grateful of it then. They left at five o’clock in the afternoon. After that, I began arranging my special belongings. I took out our family picture because I wanted to hold it until the very last breath run out of me. I also pulled out some things from my drawer, which I wanted to hand out to my family and friends. Some of which are my clothes, the disk containing the collection of my favorite songs, all of my literary works – poems, novels, short stories which I requested my parents to have it published, and the letters from the people that I love that I still keep in a special box that I want to be read on my funeral.
When I finished sorting out all of the things I want to be done before I pass away, I saw the phone at the side of my bed and an idea came up to me. There is still someone that I am hoping to talk with even for the last time so I phoned my old friend, the only man that I loved in my whole life. He was home and we talked for almost an hour. I’m glad that he has no idea of what is going on with me right now and of what is going to happen to me tomorrow so I managed to talk with him casually and at ease as I did before. I know he had been very surprised when I told him how much I love him but it’s the only time I know to finally admit it to him and there will be no other time. He has been the only person I had loved so dearly besides my family and I’ve been a coward not to tell him so, letting so many years passed by without him knowing about it. We have been very close friends and I don’t want to lose it just like that by saying something I know would prove so wrong because he loves someone else. And yet, it was the only right I’ve known. Loving him was the most wonderful thing that ever happened to me. And as much as I have feared the thought of losing him but now, I’m losing him. Only, it was I that will go. I hung up leaving a trail of questions of which I cannot answer anymore. It was too excruciating for me that I can’t help but cry.
My mother called for me at eight o’clock in the evening and I met her at the foot of the stairs, teary-eyed. I can’t take the look of it, leaving all those people I had loved. I asked my mom and dad not to cry when I’m finally gone because where I am going is so much like a home where I will be happy through eternity. I would never really leave, I would only remain in the hearts of the people I cared for reminding them of the memories we had together. And so I said my farewell to my family and bade them goodbye. They wanted to hold my hands until the very last minute but I refused. I don’t want anyone of them to see me die instead I want to leave them with the thought that I had just gone off to sleep. I want to spend the remaining time, alone, reminiscing all that has happened and everything that I’ve done in my life. Now, it was almost time to leave, one last hour before the call of departure.
I went up to my room and stared outside my window to see the world, the world that I would trade for life in heaven, and the world I once been part of, the world that helped me become who I am today. Now, I’m spending the remaining hour of my life writing all this for the people I love to read before the moment arrive. This one moment in my life that is about to come when I will finally meet the silhouette of time.

No matter how hard I try...it's not just enough. People only see you when you've done something wrong or something plausible to their advantage. And it marks. But when you try to do something good, they hardly notice you. What they see are the faults that back it up. When you're lying in a bed made out of wood, what you recognize are the flaws in it: uncomfortability, dullness, et cetera. What you cannot see is the fact that you're lucky enough not to sleep on the ground. People are just not aware of the reality. It's when we thought the world had almost turned its back on us that we cannot feel how much we should be grateful of that we still have at least another day to live. We feel so bad and everything just hurt that we forget to be thankful that at least we still have the power to feel. People always get caught in the same mistakes. Same trap. Same losses. For they are easily deceived by what first impress them. For people only see what their eyes want to see. It is not us that rule our fates when we should have been, but it's our fate that rule us.. Yes, God have written our destiny long before we've been brought into this world and it depends on us whether we want to get on our track easy or choose the long path, the other way around...but the safest and the surest way. People are vulnerable in nature. People are similar to the mechanism of a device. It wouldn't start unless push to it. It wouldn't stop unless it is finally destroyed. But what we do not know, from the destroyed peices there still are some particles left worth picking for to start with. You just have to press the reset button. To undo what is done. To refrain from the horrors of redundancy. What is done can no longer be undone, truly, yet those are the half of the missing pieces of a broken glass. And half yet to discover. We must not look at our reflection in the glass..we must see through it. Only to be surprised that there is so much more to see in a human heart that we have long ignored.

Love, love, love…OMG!

What is love? I’m sure a lot of us have encountered this question many times already, most especially when our friends would ask us to write on their slumbooks, autographs or whatever you call it, surveys what have you.

The truth is, there is really not a concrete meaning or even explanation for the word love because love is indefinable. Love is the greatest thing on earth because it’s the greatest gift we’ve received from God. More often than not we define love by the feeling we feel for a particular someone of the opposite sex but that is only one classification of love. There are certain types of love like love for god, love for your friends, love for your family, love for country, a mother’s love to her child, love for nature et cetera et cetera. But we will focus more on the most complicated type of love; the one we often refer to as love…a love for someone of the opposite sex.

When do we know that we’ve fallen in love? Well, like everyone else’s, you just know it when you feel it. You really can’t tell when cupid’s arrow struck you but it’s truly a different feeling. Yet, most of us instantly jump into conclusion and that’s the reason why we often mistaken love from infatuation not knowing that love is not hurried, it is rather developed. There is no even such a thing as “love at first sight”, now that’s infatuation only and as you grow to know each other more day by day…that is the start of what we call “love”.

*Just always remember, when it’s stronger – it’s love. When it’s selfless – it’s love. When it’s more of acceptance and sacrifices – it’s love. When it’s more of opening you up to reality – it’s love. When it’s more of giving than receiving – it’s love. And most important of all, if it lasts longer which makes it hard to forget amidst the pain – it’s love.

>>>to read more...check out my file "love" on the sidelist

The Roots of Love
by moonlight butterfly


Ever since I was that small
You’ve always been the roots for me
You taught me how to stand upright
That’s why I’ve always held on you tight

And while I grow up you become
The guiding light that shows the way
And when I get lost in the woods
You would grab my arms and lead me through

Before, I never even realized you were there
I thought that everyone was born to have the likes of you
The uncountable times of sacrifices
The unconditional love I took for granted

And now I know how important you are
As I see the creases on your face
A product of never-ending years of hard work
And smile to hide the pain

My only wish for you my parents
That you be all in good health
So you would never have to leave me
Through my ups and downs you will see me

I have always hoped for happiness
For good things I could bestow upon you
But I realized then there’s not a thing
That could replace your magical deeds

For the years to come I’ll then be your roots
Not to help you stand upright but
To hold on, for you had withstood the odds
And I want you still to carry on.

Time to Let Go
by moonlight butterfly


Time goes by
and I search for the answers
I can hardly find the reasons why…
It had to be this way
When after all those years of loving you
and losing you…
It is still that same you
Still you, that remains inside my heart
I don’t want to cry
I hated the idea
But moment by moment
As thoughts of you linger in my mind
Teardrops fall inevitably
Inexplicably, unbearably
I told myself many times not to love you
Or ever wonder if you did feel that way too
All this time you are almost mine
And now…
Where are you?
Now that I need you
Now that I long for your touch
Your smile that brings the sun up after the rain
How could I ever wake up into the reality?
How could I possibly end up all this?
Have I told you I saw you again?
But it was someone else really
Have I told you how glad I was during our talk recently?
When in fact, alone, it is just I
Hanging on the idea that you
Somehow, someday…
Would come back and bring back the broken pieces of me…
I Miss You.

well....this is it! haha! the day I signed in for an online blog. I won't start babbling about stuffs today coz nothing new is really happening, nothing exciting that is. The vacation is driving me nuts! why? Coz Im bored all day without nothing to do...

Oh well.. I guess I did some things after all...

I've finished my latest short story entitled, "Forsythia", it's basically about a lady tramp meeting a total stranger one dreary evening and then, whoops!, the magic of love... hmm, coz Im that type of writer... so hopeless romantic! So far I've already have a total of 8 english short stories, titles are as follows:
The Call of the Sea
Hourglass
Wint'ry Heart
Solemn Whisper
A Trip to your Heart
Vivid Conversation
Bittersweet Refrain
and the latest...Forsythia

well, I put a little twist in the 2 latest stories. The "Bittersweet Refrain" is romance in genre though I put a little touch of mystery while Forsythia is so out of this world love story, you will say.

Anyways, if you want to check them out, you'd probably be visiting my site:

::MOONLIGHT BUTTERFLY::
What else did happen to me...hmm...

I guess the "moonlight butterfly" me just found the flower of her dreams.¤¤¤

(~^.^~)